Caffeine and Adrenaline

Haven't slept in two days. Been torturing my kidneys with coffee and Red Bull. While affective in keeping me from sleepwalking or whatever the hell happened, it has made me more on edge. I spend every waking minute glued to the computer and television searching for some sign, some indication of what may have happened. Even at the office I spend most of the day searching the internet for news. I've been neglecting my workload. I haven't even prepared for this trip to KC. On my daily commutes I study the faces of the cattle, exploring them for any signs of recognition. Mostly I just see the same blank faces, vacantly staring out the window or entranced by their electronic gadgets like zombies. However, I did see Mirror Man yesterday (or was it the day before?). He was sitting at the far end of the train, his well tailored suit and brief case almost an oxymoron against the surrounding backdrop. I caught him watching me. We briefly made eye contact, but he looked away in utter disgust. A lump formed in my throat and my mouth went dry. I felt a surge of anger and hatred towards him. What right does he have to look down his nose at me? His arrogance and disdainful attitude have made him my enemy. Perhaps when I return from my trip I will pay him a visit.

Still Lost

Been in a bit of a panicked frenzy for the last few days. Paranoia has ferociously gripped me. Every time any cattle walk past me I have to do a double take to make sure they aren't police. I've refused to use my land line and I've used my cell phone as sparingly as possible. Even email communications have been sparse. My train ride to work this morning was frantic. I backed myself into a corner to make sure I could keep my eyes on all of them. Anyone of them could have been a cop. Each new passenger added to possibilities exponentially. Even if they aren't police they could remember me and point me out later. At the office I could feel myself behaving like a caged animal, jumping at the slightest noise or movement. Maintaining my "human mask" was near impossible. This paradigm shift is completely wrong. They should be afraid of me, not the other way around.